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The Good GrandpaA woman is in a grocery store and happens upon a grandfather and his(very) poorly-behaving 3 year-old grandson.At every turn, it's obvious that Grandpa has his hands full with the kid screaming for candy in the candy aisle. Yelling for cookies in the cookie aisle. Same for cereal and soda and toys.Meanwhile, Grandpa is carefully working his way around -- saying in a composed, controlled voice -- "Easy, Albert, we'll be out of here soon. Easy, boy."After yet another outburst she hears Grandpa calmly say, "It's okay, Albert, just a couple more minutes and we'll be outta here -- hang in there."At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart onto the floor. Again in an impressively calm, controlled voice Grandpa is saying, "Okay Albert, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes. Just stay cool, Albert."Very impressed, the woman follows the two of them outside, where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says; "You know, sir, it's none of my business -- but you were amazing in there!How did you do it?? That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying"things would be okay." Albert is very lucky to have you for his grandpa.""Thanks, lady," said the grandfather. "But I'm Albert -- the little shit's name is Johnny."
The Good Grandpa
Here's a real JOKE!
A Mexican, an Arab, and a Canadian girl are in the same car. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.' The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks no-alcohol beer (cuz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.' The Canadian girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says, 'In Canada we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'God Bless Canada!
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour Five minutes is only five minutes if you ha ve just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! (5) Loud S igh: This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous stateme nts a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake . (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever'). (8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU! (9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
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